sh*ts and giggles

today has been an interesting day. i attended a class on a FEDERAL HOLIDAY, because my boss thought it would be a good idea. i learned absolutely nothing, but at least i have a handy-dandy binder in case i need to demonstrate what i've "learned". at least the lunch was good. we were served seated at the table. no cold sandwiches from panera or other sub-par sandwich shops. there were 2 salads, and a pizza for starters, beef tenderloin and spit-roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and broccoli. I got all of the food groups, my mother would be so proud.

i also just finished my self assessment, which we all know is really one of the more pleasurable things that we get to do in life. you spend hours (or days) over what words to permanently put down for others to judge you by. i'm trying to get a promotion, so this was particularly agonizing, but it's done, so, so be it. yeah, i rank the pleasures of writing a self assessment right along with having bubble guts and cannon-balling into a pool... you know how the water gets up there and your asshole slams shut...yeah, it's really pleasant like that. so, here's to hoping for a water-tight asshole and really great pool cleaners.

other highlights of my day included actually having bubble guts, for some god-forsaken reason, and listening to my stomach loudly percolate for all to hear, while in a class full of my peers and co-workers... it was so fucking AWESOME! being that i'm somewhat on the fluffy side, they just probably thought my stomach was like "little shop of horrors".... FEED ME!!! yeah, there's nothing like being the largest girl at the table and your stomach is grumbling near lunch time. the judgement is so palpable... but you know, they can kiss my ass and whatever may come with it. hope they like gruel...

weekend follow-up: the margaritas and karaoke were a hit. we got shushed by my roommate, or damn, fiance, so it was a success (just kidding pooks)! oh, and there was beer too. song selections included "baby got back", "beat it", "rock with you", "california dreamin'" and other songs that sound really, really good when you're drunk. there was also a SURPLUS of junk food. it was ridiculous (sorry b.). whilst consuming various alcoholic beverages and bothering my neighbors and their pets (oh, the howling!), there was lots of talk and lots of "i fucking love you man". so, in my book, that equals success. also a bonus, there were no reports of abusive gravity. but i know that asshole, he shows up when you're at your most vulnerable, like when you push off on a pirouette, and you haven't done one since the 10th grade. did you know it's possible to deeply bruise your heel? yeah, me too neither, but that's what happens when an entertainment center and gravity are in cahoots. fuckers...

so, hope you guys had a successful 3-day weekend, and that it included whatever makes you happy. if not, it will get better, and fuck the rest. february will soon be over!!! but it is black history month, so in all earnesty... we shall overcome. have a happy tuesday.