sad.

i had planned to write a funny post about poop... and even just typing that makes me feel horrible for starting out that way.

today, one of the people that i actually admire and look up to, just as a person, passed away. tim russert... it hurts worse than i thought it was going to, as i typed that name and as the reality sets in.

i just can't even believe he's gone and feel lost without his presence. he was fair and truthful, and only spoke to the facts. there was no bias and he was equally hard on everyone who tried to stay in the gray, muddied water. he made all those who are responsible for us, be responsible for their words and actions, and answer to their wards. this included everything: poor ideas, unfortunate words, and lies, whether they be outright or by omission. he made everyone accountable. there were no easy passes for anyone who encountered him.

what makes it even harder is KNOWING how hard and how strongly he loved his family. they were his world, and i'm sure he was theirs. he was a man of faith and a man of dedication, passion, and more importantly, i think, a man of compassion. i think his drive, fervor, and outright LOVE for the world of politics was an extension of the love he had for his neighbor, literally and metaphorically.

he cared about us, and he cared about the world we lived in, and made sure that we were aware of what was going on in the world around us, and what our leaders were doing about it. he made us feel that we all counted, and that we deserved the right to know the truth and the real answers. he made us see, at the risk of sounding cheesy/corny, how wonderful this system of checks and balances, accountability, and chosen representatives, in its essence, and true intent, truly is. we are fortunate, despite the many things we are currently experiencing due to people making illogical, desperate, and rashly formed decisions. we at least have the system in place to elect and run a truly representative and capable government. that's what it seems, was tim russert's greatest wish. to share with us, the true, pure, and intended ideals of our country's forefathers. he had the gift of truly imprinting in us, the significance of what those ideals stood for.

as a black woman and citizen of this country, i am truly grateful for the opportunities that my citizenship has afforded me. though we still have a LONG way to go, i can honestly say, that i wouldn't trade being on team 'MERICA for the world. it is truly and honor and a privilege to say, that i'm proud to be an AMERICAN (cue lee greenwood).

thank you tim russert, for your dedication to us. thank you for caring. thank you for making us care. thank you for allowing us the opportunity to experience your exacting insight, relentless determination, astounding brilliance, and most importantly, your genuine and blessedly, transparent integrity. we could see that you were good, earnestly and honestly GOOD, through and through. you were and will remain, one of the shining examples of THE BEST that this country has to offer. God bless you and I hope your Homecoming is as wondrous as your faith and service. i pray that your family will be comforted, somewhat by the fact, that you are in the presence of God. how awesome and well-earned...

hug the ones you love y'all... always remember, it could be worse. regardless of what you believe or don't believe, tomorrow is never promised. i would like to share a bit of advice that i read on a mug, of a departed, dearly loved, widely-respected co-worker and unfortunately, i didn't get to know him that well. but i think the fact that this mug , that he prominently displayed, speaks volumes: "be the person that your dog (or cat) thinks you are." live your life the way you would want to be remembered, and on that note, always remember to wear clean underwear.... ;-)

have a great weekend, and if you still have your dad in your life or if he's still a part of your life.... SMOTHER HIM with praises, love, and hugs and kisses... daddies are awesome... i know my daddy is. :-)

question?

why is it that you always KILL at jeopardy when you're alone? i mean, you are answering at least 90% of the questions correctly, and no one is there to witness the majesty of your intellect! this happened to me tonight, and i even got the FINAL JEOPARDY question right!! and i was all by my lonesome.... wah-wah-wah-wah-waaaaaahhhhhhhhh. boo. oh well, it's the same as always, i'm the only one who knows that i'm brilliant.

so, sweetcakes caught the same virus again, and you know, it was awesome. i got to hear someone hurl every hour or so. unfortunately, it affected me differently then it did last time, and i was very, um, queasy about the whole affair. i think that because it lasted so long last time, i just got used to it, but, this time, i found, i could not eat my doritos while hearing my beloved call earl. and they were the zesty taco/chipotle ranch flavor too! alas, it wasn't meant to be... really no type of food was really meant to be. i guess if sweetcakes was going to suffer, i was too. this was of particular suckage because we had just gone to safeway and purchased some fantastic 1-in thick ribeyes, some fresh (sweet) corn on the cob, and some fabulous baking potatoes. i grilled and baked everything up, and poor sweetcakes tasted none. he made it as far as putting some on the plate, but did not even get to taste it, for the scourge had happened upon him, and i as his nurse, had no solace to offer... other than uttering the most poetic and sage words that one can speak... "it's gonna be okay." i am SO prophetic and brilliant.

so we hung out in the ER last night, and i got to hear some things that really helped put things in perspective. i saw a pregnant lady, with some sort of scare, and she and her family were terrified. they waited for good news, and i waited along with them. i heard a young man, who was in the bed behind sweetcakes (the beds were lined up in the hallway), speak of how he had just gotten off of chemotherapy, after overcoming some type of lymphoma. he was just 22 years old, about to turn 23. i heard a young woman, who previously was stationed behind sweetcakes, state that her birth year was 1972, and she had already suffered a heart attack, and was back in the ER due to some cardiac irregularities/pains. mercy...

the one who stole my heart, was an old woman, who had blocked intestines, and was in GREAT discomfort, but was as sweet as could be. she lavished her affections on the nurses, drank nasty pre-CAT scan fluids with no complaint, and then with great joy and fervor, told the nurse and doctor that she had 3! BOWEL! MOVEMENTS! within the last 15-20 minutes. she even described the consistency, bless her heart. in case you were wondering, and i know you were, 2 were "solid" and the last one "was mostly fluid". she also went on to lament the hour of the day, because it was too late for her to have her martini. in short, she was adorable and i wish i had gotten to know her, because we would have definitely been homegirls. i too, would wail in anguish if i was severely constipated and not able to have my nightly libations.... i would also share with everyone, in detail, the quality of my stools and proclaim loudly that "i suffer from chronic constipation!" it's all about being yourself, you know?

but for serious though, i saw how we all share the frailty that is the human condition. it sucks. i just was sitting there praying that i didn't see anything horrible, as we were parked by the trauma rooms. i definitely did not want to hear the melodramatic, long, unbroken sound of a heart monitor tracking the beat of a heart that was no longer beating. i did see the humanity and kindness of nurses and doctors on an unusually busy day, and i also saw the callow and nonchalant attitudes of young, cocky, ASSHOLES who were just there because they had to be. that's the scary part... you never know which one you're going to get.

i had to beg for a barf bucket for sweetcakes, as he sat there and held his vomit in his mouth, so as to not dirty himself or inconvenience others. the resident i asked, casually strolled from room to room, looking for a bucket/tray/whatever, and i was this close to putting him in the ER, and not as an employee. i then had to search and ask for someone to give sweetcakes a new bucket, so he didn't have to sit there and hold it, and mind his own barf, as there was nowhere to put it, since he was lined up in the HALLWAY! i know you medical professionals are busy, but one question, what if it was you? how would you feel about suffering the same indignity? methinks you would be instantly humbled... so! once sweetcakes was feeling somewhat better, all he had to do was provide some pee and we could go. once he proffered the golden ticket, we were soon on our way.

i learned a couple of things last night. that number one, i HATE seeing sweetcakes in a hospital bed/gown with an iv. it sucks hairy, shitty, goat balls. it is an image that i hope to never see again. number b, oh, i mean 2, i realize how blessed we are, even though sweetcakes was miserable, he was relatively healthy compared to what was going on around us. number 3, augusten burroughs is a funny mofo. magical thinking, is all i'm saying. it's hilarious, and allowed me to keep my sanity, and not focusing and worrying too much about the people around me. not because i'm cold and impersonal, but because of the exact opposite. i felt their pain, and wanted to help and soothe... but i was helpless. just like i was with sweetcakes. it sucks all sorts of hairy, shitty balls...

but sometimes, it's not up to you, it's not in your hands, it's nothing you can control... the question is... how do you handle it?

i'd like to think that i've been handling it well...