i just did yoga... at home... on my floor with my new, stinky, yoga mat... it was FUCKIN' AWESOME! i feel so good right now, no shittin'!
yeah, so, i COMPLETELY overreacted and went into hyperdrive, and told myself that my life was coming to an end.... i tend to lean towards being slightly dramatic at times. hey, it runs in the family. i told myself (knew) that it was going to be okay, because i knew that i wouldn't have come this far and worked this hard only to crash and burn. but still, it was scary! and you know, i'm suffering through my monthlies, soooo... things tend to be EXTREMELY exaggerated and i tend to be EXTREMELY sensitive... it sucks.
i apologized to all affected by my madness yesterday, and i made a decision to walk away from it. to walk away from anxiety. i can't do it anymore. i actually felt it affect me physically yesterday, and yo! that shit is NOT COOL! tightness in chest, not cool. dizziness, not cool. racing heartbeat, not cool. i cannot continue to stress like that and stay alive. the two things are not compatible.
so! i grabbed my little one, and headed down to target and used her expertise to help me to select a yoga dvd. cuz i really need some peace, stretchiness, and calm, soothing voices in my life right now. the best part was the end, when you go all gimpy on the floor... just straight immobile. that shit was DOPE! literally and metaphorically... i haven't felt that chill or that peaceful in AGES. my back's all loose and tingly, and all i want to do is fall asleep with a smile on my face, and press play on the AM version in the morning.
y'all...
whatever you're going through right now, just know that you can always be surprised. just when you think the end is nigh, a new beginning pops up out of nowhere. just when you thought that it couldn't get any! worse! it gets all fantastic and shit. even if the source of joy is just laying on the floor, and experiencing a sudden and sharp reminder of where your hamstrings are, the real prize is being able to just breathe in.... and breathe out. over and over again...
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
y'all....
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5 comments:
OMG I can't believe you saw me at Target! My greatest hope is that it wasn't the time I was purchasing those new Always pads with wings AND an elastic belt. Because THAT? That would be really embarrassing.
You sound like sunshine on a cracker and I wish we had met. :)
having suffered through more panic attacks then I'd ever care to recount, I am quite proud of you for doing something pro-active
it's mind over matter
and me?
i'm doing the same thing.
so far? it's working out all right.
Cousin you need a massage! Go get one ASAP.
kris - OMFG! thank you for stopping by... I'm honored! And yeah, I totally saw the Always in the basket... I didn't know they sold them in bulk! ;-) and when you're in target next, please wear some goggles or protective gear or something, because i am socially inept, and i might end up accidently spraying you as i speak or reach out to shake your hand and end up brushing your boob or something... cuz i'm so cool, cool...
deutlich - werd... let's do it together sister... anxiety sucks, period, and you can't function. i want to LIVE!
mintfree7 - WHADDUP CUZ!!!! thank you for stopping by!! we need to hang out SOON! yeah, i've been going through it, and as soon as that stimulus check comes... i'm splaying myself across someone's table... hopefully there will be a masseuse present...
kris - cuz i am so cool, cool...it's a redman lyric... and i'm so cool that i f'd it up...
damn.
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