definition of success

i'm a smoker... sorry, but i am. and due to my horrible affliction, i had a really cool moment today. my boss, who knows i am a fellow smoker and never asked me before, asked me if i wanted to go smoke a cigarette, and not just one, but TWO! i felt like rachel (jennifer aniston) on that one episode of "friends" when she went out on "smoke breaks" with her boss (when she worked at ralph lauren). i felt SO privileged. i know it's sad....

but i choose to allow myself that as a step toward success... true, i felt like the one kid being ignored when the alpha kids were picking their kickball teams, and being called because i had both of my arms. what an advantage. well, i'm taking it! it's like being in special ed and an idiot savant! i am not one to let my talents wither away....

in ANY case, i felt special, like carrie on prom day. let's hope i scotchguarded my prom dress. and does fabreze get out the smell of pig's blood? me thinks not.... but onwards and upwards, but damn, the top seems so far way...let's hope... shit, i don't even have anything specific to hope for, but let's just hope.........

merb has swerved out of the building! 'til we meet again...